When ego gets in the way

At work, we often hear about the importance of "networking". Building relationships, making connections, expanding your reach. All good things.

But in real life, how does it actually work?

Well, if you're not careful, ego sneaks in.

Ego doesn’t make a fuss. It walks in quietly, sits beside you in meetings, joins you on calls, whispers in your emails. You barely notice it. But it’s steering the wheel.

It decides who you talk to, how you listen, what you say. And most of all: why you do it.

Take Paolo.

Paolo has made a name for himself. He knows his stuff, works hard, speaks with confidence. People respect him. But he has this habit: if you’re not “on his level”, he walks past you like an elevator heading straight to the executive floor. Polite, but cold.

One day he gets a message. It’s from Alice, a new hire. Junior role, curious mind, trying to understand a process better. She writes politely, asks for help.

Paolo reads it. And doesn’t reply. Too busy, too many priorities. And anyway, what could a newcomer really understand?

Two months later, Paolo is drowning. A key client changes systems. Everything needs to be redone. Fast. They need someone who knows the new flow inside out.

And who had been working on it from the start, testing, improving?

Alice.

But now writing to her isn’t so easy. That unanswered message weighs on him. Like a half-closed door.

The truth is: you don’t build relationships when you need them. You build them before. Like bridges.

If you wait for the flood, it’s already too late.

Ego tricks you into thinking you can choose who matters. But people aren’t pawns. And roles? They change.

Today someone seems minor. Tomorrow they save your project.

Networking isn’t about collecting contacts. It’s not about being nice to your boss. It’s not showing up at the right meetings.

It’s something quieter, and truer: staying in relationship. With respect. With real listening. With the honest desire to understand who’s in front of you.

Every time we ignore someone just because “we don’t need them”, we’re sending a message to ourselves too: that we only matter if we exclude. But that’s not strength. It’s fear.

A healthy network is made of bridges built before there’s pressure.

That’s when you see the quality of a connection: in the freedom to ask, but also in the freedom to offer, without needing to shine.

In the end, Paolo writes to Alice. He says he wishes he had replied earlier. That he made a mistake.

Alice helps him. No drama. Kind, just like before. But something’s been lost. And maybe next time, Paolo won’t forget.

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Sometimes, in the workplace, the biggest barrier to building relationships isn’t time—it’s ego. Learning to spot it can change everything.

Book a free, no-strings initial session to explore your goals, see how coaching can help, and possibly access a pro bono coaching program with me, Nicola Arnese.

Nicola offers these sessions during his spare time, so they don’t conflict with his professional commitments. Some flexibility may be required when scheduling.