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Quieting the "I" to foster a sense of "Us" in conversations

Nicola Arnese

Updated: Nov 16, 2024


Have you ever found yourself in a situation where connecting with others seemed challenging, hindered by misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations?


In her insightful article, Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC explores this common human dilemma. She points out that our brain, in its quest for survival, often affirms our identity and worldview based on past experiences, creating a personalized reality that may not align with others' perceptions


Marcia continues by highlighting the importance of 'quieting the I' to foster a sense of 'Us' in conversations.


This process involves consciously stepping back from our entrenched beliefs and opinions to fully engage with and appreciate another person's perspective. By doing so, we can work towards a shared understanding, respecting each other's unique experiences and viewpoints.


Further, She suggests practical steps to prepare oneself for genuine connections. These include:


  • becoming a self-less witness to one's environment,

  • getting present and centered before engaging in conversation, 

  • and cultivating a compassionate curiosity towards others. 


These practices help in reducing the dominance of 'I' and encourage a more open and empathetic interactions.


The journey to sincerely connect with others is an ongoing practice of balancing our self-identity with our willingness to embrace different perspectives. As She continues to emphasize, the ultimate reward of this practice is not just better communication outcomes, but also more fulfilling human interactions.


Marcia Reynolds concludes: the greatest gift we can offer in any conversation is our genuine attention and appreciation for the other person.

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