Do you have a minute? The hardest talks are the ones that reflect who we are

Sometimes, talking to someone feels like walking on a floor that creaks.

You sense something’s off, but no one says it.

The words are polite, but the air is heavy.

It happens between friends, in families, and yes—even in the office.

Once, during a meeting, a colleague made a decision without consulting the team.

Another colleague felt left out. He didn’t say anything right away. But in the following days, every interaction got a bit colder.

It wasn’t just about roles or processes. It was about trust.

Here’s the thing: difficult conversations aren’t hard because we don’t know how to talk.

We do. They’re hard because they touch something deep inside us.

Douglas Stone, who’s spent a lifetime studying this, says that in moments like these, we’re not having just one conversation—we’re having three. All at once.

The first is about what actually happened.

You see one thing, the other person sees another. And both of you are sure you’re right.

The second is about feelings.

Unspoken, maybe. But still there, in the voice, in the eyes.

The third one is quieter: it’s about identity.

“Is this personal?” “Am I not good enough?” “Did I mess up?”

That’s when we put up walls, even if on the outside we stay calm.

So how do we deal with all this?

Start with something simple: curiosity.

Ask, “How did you experience this?”

Then, listen. Truly listen.

Not to reply, but to understand.

Speak in the first person:

“I felt excluded” lands differently than “You never respect anyone.”

And maybe most of all: accept the discomfort.

Saying “I don’t quite know how to say this, but it matters to me” is already a beginning.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s trust.

Difficult conversations are scary. But they’re also where we grow.

They don’t fix everything. But they open things up.

And sometimes, that’s enough..

---

Difficult conversations don’t have magic formulas. But we can face them with more presence, empathy, and honesty. Sometimes, changing how we step into a conversation changes everything.

Book a free, no-obligation introductory session to explore your goals, understand how coaching might support you, and potentially access a pro bono coaching cycle with me.

Nicola Arnese offers these sessions in his free time, so they don’t conflict with other professional commitments. Some flexibility in scheduling may be required.